Middle-ness

Notes from the Berkshires, Day 28

Lenox Coffee, 9.08 a.m.

A rare appearance at the coffee shop on a Sunday, motivated in part by considerations of privacy; roommate John’s wife is visiting the apartment for the weekend, and I wanted to make our limited space available to them for their morning ablutions. So, laundry as usual for a Sunday, and now to the mobile office. The weather appears to be holding at very-acceptable for now, but showers are forecast for the afternoon, surprise of surprises.

I’ve been feeling a struggle over the past few days, a feeling of fatigue, tension, and frustration, and it struck me as I was talking to V on the phone: I’m in the Middle of this particular undertaking. Fast approaching the middle of the Middle, as a matter of fact, the point where there’s no going back, yet the end really isn’t in sight. Every process has this point, and it’s always difficult. My solution, at least for now, is to endeavor to do as little about pianos and Tanglewood as possible, when possible. Yesterday afternoon and today, this is possible. It meant not going back to the grounds for the broadcast of A Prairie Home Companion last night, opting to listen on the radio at home for a portion of the show. A walk to the brewpub for a couple of pints, followed by reading at home and some pleasant conversation with John and his wife upon their return completed the evening. Today I’ll get outdoors for awhile, and I’m contemplating a trip to the ballpark this evening.

This Middle thing is tough. It’s not that I’m not enjoying my time and experience here – quite the opposite – but there is a feeling of being at-sea, in a number of ways. As a piano technician at Tanglewood, I’m awash in information, obligations, and schedules which need to be juggled. I’m also a long way from home, and the comforts that accompany being in one’s accustomed space. In a larger sense, I’m also in the middle of the process which will decide the immediate and extended future, and there are many things, professional and personal, that I’m considering along those lines. There are many possible paths open to me (and to myself and V as a couple), and allowing the future the time and space to present itself has a feeling of being in the middle, of being a bit out-of-control, at-sea. I think the best thing to do is to tackle the future one task at a time, and trust my intuition based on my years of experience in moving from one thing to the next; no small well on which to draw. And V will be here in four days to help!